BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Dominic Raab’s pathetic failure.
RORY Stewart is an active MI6 agent currently in deep cover in an extreme right-wing group planning to devastate Britain, sources have revealed.
A WOMAN invited to a night round a friend’s house drinking ‘fizz’ and watching a romcom is looking into faking her own death to dodge it.
A GROUP of men playing pool in a pub have agreed that all attractive women present would definitely only consider shagging the winner.
A MAN has reached the age of 34 still naively believing that his job should be something he enjoys.
ARE you a f*ck-up to your very core, like certain figures in the national spotlight presently, but keen to mask it as hapless buffoonery?
EVERYONE at an office meeting has their arms folded and is refusing to meet anyone else’s eye, it has emerged.
THE realm of Hades itself has finally been brought to our earthly plane at this weekend’s Download festival, attendees have agreed.
A GOLDEN retriever who never thought he would be ‘one of those dogs’ who organised his whole life around humans is doing just that.
A MAN is wondering how far he can take his home carbonating device while hefting a tin of Big Soup questioningly in one hand.
JEREMY Corbyn has admitted to a huge 'man-crush' on Conservative leadership candidate Rory Stewart.
BORIS Johnson is to spend the rest of the Tory leadership campaign suspended 40ft above an Asda car park in Macclesfield.
MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.
HAVE you watched stylish chameleon assassin Villanelle in Killing Eve and decided you could probably pull off that one outfit, the one with the hat? Think again.
A 30-YEAR-OLD man totally messed up a pleasant evening in the pub by buying tequila slammers, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has reluctantly agreed that it is our turn to elect a hilariously vain d*ckhead.
A BRITISH man believes that saying English words in a French accent means he is actually speaking French.
ARE you and your middle class chums planning to rent a cottage in rural Dorset or similar? Here’s how to be as annoying as possible.
THE release of 2019-20’s Premier League fixtures means a Manchester United supporter can diarise when he will be a complete nightmare to be around.
THERE is no way a woman wearing a Sonic Youth t-shirt is really into all their weird, unlistenable sh*t, people have decided.